Still here, I guess.

Hey. I feel like I should update here. I am just unsure how to do that. So, here’s an update that nobody asked for but I am giving anyway since I still have 2 hours before the start of my classes.

I have had the most horrible writer’s block since the pandemic started, as you may have noticed with all the (virtual) cobwebs on this platform. Until now, I am still trying to relearn how to thread words into meaningful pieces. It is honestly so frustrating how I used to be able to come up with written stuff that is “decent” (or so I thought), what with my sheer audacity to call myself a wordsmith. 

Anyway, this wordsmith has taken this much-need hiatus. I do not even know if there is anyone who reads this. Maybe the thought that no one reads this would actually help, since there is less pressure to come up with something. Or, I don’t know.

Ok tldr hi I want to write again but I don’t know how to start bye.

Life · Relationships

Be scared together, be brave together

Rest now
Go ahead and close your eyes
Try to sleep tonight
‘Cause I’m here
Don’t you fret
I’m here

Hush now
Come and let me dry your tears
I’ll take captive all your fears
I’m here
No need to fret
I’m here

Beside you
To hold you
I will never leave
I’m here with you

Take my hand
Take a breath
Let’s be scared together
And then be brave together

Wrote this song two nights ago because lately, I have been feeling really anxious. We’re still in the middle of this pandemic and it’s not okay, and to say that our current situation is difficult is a solid understatement.

Sure, people have been saying “it’s okay to NOT be okay” and this is a huge relief because this eliminates the burden to always be okay, productive, and normal. However, for the past few weeks, I’ve had a better realization. It really is okay to not be okay, but it’s even MORE AWESOME to not be okay in a not-so-okay situation when you have someone who gives you this assurance: “I’m here“. Every day.

Good days. Bad days. Blah days. Meh days. Carefree days. Difficult days. In not-so-okay days. In days plagued by a pandemic.

I’m here.
With you.
Are you scared? I am too.
Let’s be scared together.
And then, let’s be brave together.
Let’s do this together.

Someone dear to me told me one time: I’m always here.

The skeptic in me wanted to argue:

“Well, technically, that may not be possible. How do you measure ‘always’?”

“You can’t really back this up with evidence.”

“I doubt the reliability of this statement, especially in the next few weeks.”

“You’re probably not thinking straight because of everything that’s happening.”

And all other arguments that would’ve annoyed the heck out of this person and his well-meaning intentions to encourage me.

But this pandemic has exhausted all my debating skills already, so I just caved in and I welcomed that statement, which I wouldn’t usually do under normal circumstances.

I’m always here. That resonated so much with me because I hated hearing advice that are along the lines of “It’s going to be okay”. Usually, things don’t become okay. Sometimes, becoming “okay” takes too long. Other times too, being “okay” doesn’t see its fruition.

But, I realized that the difference it makes when there is someone who assures you with a simple “I’m here”, especially in this time of uncertainty and chaos, is INCREDIBLE. And I am surviving at present because I have people who remind me of their presence, even if the situation is not okay or it takes a long time to be “okay”. They’re scared too, and the uncertainty of everything has shaken people up as well. But they’re here. For me. For their family. For others. And for everyone who needed that assurance.

I hope that every one of us gets to have at least one person who will be with us, assuring us that even in the not-so-okay times, “No need to fret, I’m here“.

Right now, my anxiety has physically manifested into my chubby cheeks and acne breakouts. Mentally, I don’t have that usual strength that I have to weave words into comforting blankets, so I am just writing this fluidly and hope that everything makes sense. If it doesn’t, I apologize and please bear with me.

If you want to listen to how this song sounds, you will have to wait, though, sorry. I am unable to record this for now so, maybe when I feel a bit better. I will TRY to do a decent quality recording of this in the future!!! I just want really want to put this out there as fast as I could, in the hope that it gets to inspire others to write about what they’re feeling too.